Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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