I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
