Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
