At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
