did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
