Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need a beard to bite.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
