you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
