i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
