dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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