She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
