there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
