you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
