I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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