haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
