i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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