she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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