Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
