I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
