im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
