all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
