Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
