We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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