fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
