You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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