I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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