apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize