I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
