I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
