i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
