I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
