Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
