dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
