So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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