Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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