When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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