you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we're making bets on your personal life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize