This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
