I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
