With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
did you just send me my own nude
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