He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
