Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
