He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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