So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
