He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize