do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
