so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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