Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
