He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
