please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
