eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
