also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
