Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
