I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
