made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize