you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
