you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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