At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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