my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
