We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
