My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Welp...herpes.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
