It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
