Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
