im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
