dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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